Technical Support...An Oxymoron of the Greatest Extent

Since when did technical support become neither technical, nor support? I bought myself a nice new HP laptop back in late July. One of the things that most impressed me was when I called to order the machine, the guy spoke english....no wait, AMERICAN english. Not even a southern accent! I even put it down on one of those after purchase surveys that I was happy to speak to someone in english and my purchasing experience was plesent. Little did I know, it was all a gimick.

A couple months later, I called to extend my warranty due to my pending deployment. I talked to someone in India.....big suprise. I figured maybe it was a 50/50 chance of speaking with an American. O well. I got the warranty, which still took 30+ min. Now fast foward a few more months. My wireless card (or wifi) starts acting up. Having dealt in the past with "tech support", I did everything possible to avoid calling them. I did some research on the internet and found that the Intel 3945A/B/G wireless card sucks! The issue is it has a new power saving feature. For the techies, I'll explain.

It has a feature that it will signal the router to cache all data going to your computer for a set amount of time, and it will shut off. It will then periodically turn back on to receive the cached data. The problem is Intel didn't consider what would happen if the router ignored the signal and sent data anyway. The card shuts down, and when it wakes up again to receive data, the router assumes the connection was lost and doesn't send anything. Thus, a lost connection. It gets worse. Sometimes, when the card doesn't receive anything back, it goes into some sort of hibernation mode. It shuts itself off completely and can only be turned on again by disabling and reenabling it through control panel. Sometimes, even more completely and the computer must be restarted! Intel has known about this problem and all they say on the website is to update your router. That's not always possible, such as when your using someone elses router. BTW, Windows XP doesn't support this new "feature" on the card so the card doesn't have this problem running XP.

Back to the story. I dreadingly called HP to beg for a card switch. And, as expected, I was connected to Muhammad Alli who claimed to be, "John" with HP. I gave him my name, carefully spelling my first and last name. Yes, I said my FIRST and last name. Then I varified my phone number, product number, serial number, zip code number, shoe size number, brother-in-law's bosses number and the number of fingers on my left hand. Finally, this guy on the other side of the globe, enough hours ahead that he was in the next day, was sure that I was who I said I was.

So I begin describing the perils of my wifi card, pointing out that I had done research on the internet to find that the card itself sucked. He asked me to show him a site on the internet where it talks about the issue. So I hopped on another computer and led him to the intel website where they discribe the problem. So now he tells me to go to the HP website and download a driver. Hmmm...but if my wireless internet card isn't working.......how....do you suppose.....I'm going to DOWNLOAD A DRIVER??? Is there anything else we can try? (Like, maybe sending me a new card....) He says, ok but we we need to try this first. So I say again, I can't download because my card doesn't work. "Ok....I need to log this as actions taken, please wait..."

So I'm waiting, and waiting, and waiting. I hear this periodic clicking noise. Two, maybe three times a second. Suddenly, it dawns on me. That's the noise of him type.....no, that's giving him to much credit.....hunting and pecking this information for his log! I sit and wait for 2 and a half minutes and he doesn't say anything the whole time. Then, my phone beeps. Call lost! I bang the desk in frustration and the borrowed desktop computer restarts. First time in my years of computer useage I've seen that one work!

So now I'm even more determined. Suddenly, an idea! When I called to order, they spoke English. What if I call and say I'm ordering, then do the old switcharoo and tell THEM the problem. So I call and go through the voice automated system. I am almost immediatly connected with Daniel from Boise, ID. What's your name? I tell him (and he DOESN'T need the spelling of my first name). Then comes the oppertunity...."What would you like to order?" I explain the situation and ask him for help. He understands the issue and would be able to help if he were in the right department. That's right, in 30 seconds, I made more progress than I could have hoped for in 30 mins! Then......BEEEPP!!! Call lost! All I could do was laugh. It was that, or run outside naked screaming at the 1.2 Billion Indian "tech support" persons with common American names. I choose the former for obvious reasons.

So I called back and got Michelle. She was less helpful and was about to transfer me across the globe. I refused and said I wanted to speak to her supervisor. I'm thinking I'm getting somewhere now! Then, plain as day, her supervisor answers. "Hello, I am from India and I have no idea what you're saying." Well, not exactly, but her supervisor was freakin Indian!!!! I didn't even try. I said thank you, and hung up. I have one final option. I'm going to order a laptop, and during the customizing phase, I'm going to have them remove everything but the wireless card and have them send me that. I'll let you know how that goes.

I at least hope that when a person in India calls tech support, they're transfered to someone in the USA.